Friday, August 5, 2011

A Break

Maybe it's the heat.  Maybe it's the fact that I have to go back to work next week and leave my little one.  Whatever it is, it has me in a little funk.

I started blogging a little over a year ago.  I found a couple of blogs that really inspired me, intrigued me, and I wanted to give it a go.  I instantly got sucked into the world of blogland, and haven't looked back.  I have enjoyed documenting my life, our life.  On more than one occasion I've looked back at previous posts to check my facts, remember a precious milestone (this new mommy brain still doesn't quite function like it used to...), or prove my husband wrong - a game we play often. :)

Lately, I've been a little bummed.  Don't know how to explain it really - but the best I can say is that I feel that life is moving faster than me.  My job....going back, the beginning of the school year is the most stressful.  My baby girl....growing way too fast, starting daycare next week.  Finances....we can't seem to catch up.   Chores/housework....can't get ahead of these either.

I don't seem to deal with this as well as some.  Instead of thriving on this busy-ness, I tend to self-destruct a bit.  No, I'm not laying in bed all day eating Oreos (I wish), but I seem to let the unimportant things eat up the little bit of free time that I have.  I spend more time watching TV.  More time reading blogs - one leads to another, and another.  It's almost an addiction....pretty soon an hour has gone by and I've read 25 blogs, 20 of those belonging to strangers.  And as I'm watching mindless television and reading up on the lives of people I don't know - I'm eating.  Which is why I'm carrying around 20 pounds of extra weight and a lot of unhappiness about my body and my self.

I started thinking this morning....I haven't read a book in over a year.  While I was pregnant, I read some pregnancy books.  But reading a great novel from cover to cover?  Nope.  I started a book shortly after I had Natalie.  I'd read a little before bed, but would fall asleep only a page or two in.  I'm not sure what I was thinking - I was obviously too exhausted to be reading when I was only sleeping a couple of hours at a time.  But, now?  What's my excuse now?

I complain often of not having time to do the things I enjoy.  I've recently realized that it is no one's fault but my own.  I've blamed it on a variety of things - I'm a new mommy, the baby takes up my time.  I'm tired - I just want to get lost in a TV show and relax.  I'm overwhelmed - finances and budget restrict my hobbies.

It is not about not having time.  It's about not making the time to do what I want.
In the hour (okay, two hours) that I spend reading blogs and writing my own each day, I could:
- read a book
- take a bubble bath
- work on my scrapbook
- exercise
- look at new recipes
- play with the baby
- talk to my husband
- sew
- catch up on chores
- listen to music
- take pictures

These are all things that I love to do (well, minus the 4th one on the list up there)....but instead of actually doing them, I complain about time never being on my side.  The truth is, I am just wasting time.  Wasting really precious time that I can't have back or do over. 

It's time for a change, friends.  Because all I can think right now is what the hell am I doing?

I will still blog.  I love documenting our life with Natalie and sharing it with family and friends.  I'm just going to spend WAAAYYYYY less time doing it.  Also making a goal to spend less time on Facebook, watching TV, and reading blogs that don't really inspire me.  I love reading about friends and family - but do I really need to keep up on the life of a girl in Oklahoma whose blog I started reading because we both have babies named Natalie who were born within a week of eachother??  Good grief...

There are more important things in life....

(This little one is learning to give "kisses")

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


  1. Chin up my friend!! You will find the balance, it just takes time. And you are not alone. I occasionally find that I have wasted several hours doing something useless when I could have been making headway at home or enjoying my family. I think it is a way to escape chore-dom. I am thinking about you this weekend and hoping that you have a good one.

  2. Love this post, Jenny. I can relate to every feeling up here. Especially regarding the finances this week. But we serve a God of grace and a God of never ending "chances". Please keep me posted via blog or email about how your start back goes...I'm going through my own emotions.

  3. I'm exactly the same way. When life gets busy and stressful..I find myself shutting down. By shutting down, I mean filling up my time with every meaningless thing I can find to do, other than doing what I really should be doing (which in turn would lessen the stress). I'll be thinking about you as you return to work. Being a teacher, I know how the start of school has MANY stresses on its own, without even talking about the baby! I hope the transition goes smoothly for you.

  4. I so deeply and truly appreciate your honesty and transparency. Balancing life as a new mommy...especially a working a constant teeter toter of gives and takes, ups and downs. I'm so there. I'm praying for you. Really, I am.

  5. Need some new pics of baby girl. I am missing that sweet face!!