Recharging

LOTS of changes this week...

Natalie spent her first week at daycare.  She seems to love her provider and smiles so big when she sees her in the morning.  However, there isn't much of a schedule happening there....Natalie gets held through her naps and isn't getting enough sleep.  She's been fussy and overtired at night, leaving Mommy & Daddy exhausted, too.  I'm hoping to talk with her daycare provider and see if we can make some changes.  If not, I guess we'll start looking for someone else.  Sigh. I hate to be the "schedule nazi" but it is honestly very important for us that Natalie gets plenty of sleep and stays in a somewhat regular routine.  We love how much attention and love Natalie is getting....but that may not be enough.  Time will tell. Trying to stay positive and remember that there will be a period of adjustment anywhere that Natalie goes.

I also returned to work this week.  It was good to get back in a routine...but the first few days of the week were rough.  I cried a lot as I tried to get my bearings about me.  I felt out of balance, like part of me was missing.  You know when you feel like you've forgotten something at home, but don't know what it is?  That uneasiness consumed me most of the week.  I've never been so happy to see 3:30 on the clock each day.  Seeing my girl at the end of each day -- she kicks and smiles and laughs when she sees me! -- is the sweetest thing, and the only thing that gets me through the day.  Luckily, my days are extremely busy and go by really fast.  This will be an adjustment as well....getting used to the fast pace of work, when I was loving the slow pace of maternity leave. 

I've decided to keep nursing for now.  I was having trouble pumping last week, and thought I was going to have to supplement with formula while Natalie was at daycare and I was at work.  Thankfully, I found out that it was the pump and not me.  (Which was weird, because the pump seemed to be working correctly...)  Anyway, I rented a pump for now and am having no trouble keeping up with what Natalie is eating when she takes bottles during the day.  It will be much harder to keep up with a pumping schedule once the kids are back and I am more limited on when I can do it.  Luckily, I can pump a bottle's worth of milk in about 5 minutes.  So, for now, I'm going to try to keep up with it and see how it goes.  I just couldn't stand the thought of something else changing right now...

We used the weekend to recharge and reconnect.  I loved getting up on Saturday morning with my sweet girl, nursing her and then putting her in the bed between us.  We lounged in jammies the whole first part of the day, and it seemed to be just what we needed.  Sure, I should be catching up on housework and laundry....but that can wait a week as far as I'm concerned.  Right now, I just need my girl!

We also got to celebrate my sweet nephew's third birthday this weekend with a pool party.  More of what we needed....blessed with cool weather, we enjoyed the family time and relaxation. 

 Birthday boy!

 So cute.

 These kids love, love, LOVE baby Natalie.

  I think RJ's mommy might be wondering how the past three years went by so fast...such a big boy all of a sudden.

Natalie enjoyed the party, too.  Especially the swimming part. :)

Daddy's girl.

 RJ bounced back quickly after a slip-and-fall incident shortly after arriving at the pool.

 Grace jumped off the high dive for the first time!

And this guy can't go anywhere without his dinos. Love this little face.

Watching all of this....taking in all the family and smiles and cupcakes and splashing and conversation and kisses.....it was just enough to get this momma recharged for the week ahead.



A Break

Maybe it's the heat.  Maybe it's the fact that I have to go back to work next week and leave my little one.  Whatever it is, it has me in a little funk.

I started blogging a little over a year ago.  I found a couple of blogs that really inspired me, intrigued me, and I wanted to give it a go.  I instantly got sucked into the world of blogland, and haven't looked back.  I have enjoyed documenting my life, our life.  On more than one occasion I've looked back at previous posts to check my facts, remember a precious milestone (this new mommy brain still doesn't quite function like it used to...), or prove my husband wrong - a game we play often. :)

Lately, I've been a little bummed.  Don't know how to explain it really - but the best I can say is that I feel that life is moving faster than me.  My job....going back, the beginning of the school year is the most stressful.  My baby girl....growing way too fast, starting daycare next week.  Finances....we can't seem to catch up.   Chores/housework....can't get ahead of these either.

I don't seem to deal with this as well as some.  Instead of thriving on this busy-ness, I tend to self-destruct a bit.  No, I'm not laying in bed all day eating Oreos (I wish), but I seem to let the unimportant things eat up the little bit of free time that I have.  I spend more time watching TV.  More time reading blogs - one leads to another, and another.  It's almost an addiction....pretty soon an hour has gone by and I've read 25 blogs, 20 of those belonging to strangers.  And as I'm watching mindless television and reading up on the lives of people I don't know - I'm eating.  Which is why I'm carrying around 20 pounds of extra weight and a lot of unhappiness about my body and my self.

I started thinking this morning....I haven't read a book in over a year.  While I was pregnant, I read some pregnancy books.  But reading a great novel from cover to cover?  Nope.  I started a book shortly after I had Natalie.  I'd read a little before bed, but would fall asleep only a page or two in.  I'm not sure what I was thinking - I was obviously too exhausted to be reading when I was only sleeping a couple of hours at a time.  But, now?  What's my excuse now?

I complain often of not having time to do the things I enjoy.  I've recently realized that it is no one's fault but my own.  I've blamed it on a variety of things - I'm a new mommy, the baby takes up my time.  I'm tired - I just want to get lost in a TV show and relax.  I'm overwhelmed - finances and budget restrict my hobbies.

It is not about not having time.  It's about not making the time to do what I want.
In the hour (okay, two hours) that I spend reading blogs and writing my own each day, I could:
- read a book
- take a bubble bath
- work on my scrapbook
- exercise
- look at new recipes
- play with the baby
- talk to my husband
- sew
- catch up on chores
- listen to music
- take pictures

These are all things that I love to do (well, minus the 4th one on the list up there)....but instead of actually doing them, I complain about time never being on my side.  The truth is, I am just wasting time.  Wasting really precious time that I can't have back or do over. 

It's time for a change, friends.  Because all I can think right now is what the hell am I doing?

I will still blog.  I love documenting our life with Natalie and sharing it with family and friends.  I'm just going to spend WAAAYYYYY less time doing it.  Also making a goal to spend less time on Facebook, watching TV, and reading blogs that don't really inspire me.  I love reading about friends and family - but do I really need to keep up on the life of a girl in Oklahoma whose blog I started reading because we both have babies named Natalie who were born within a week of eachother??  Good grief...

There are more important things in life....

(This little one is learning to give "kisses")

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Picture Perfect??

So, it's been hot around here.  As in really hot.  For the past couple of weeks, I've had good intentions to get outside and take some photos of my girl.  I love this old brown quilt that I have with pink roses on it, and I had been dreaming of plopping my creamy white baby right on top of it and gettin' my click on.

But, its just been too hot to go outside.  Everytime I've even driven anywhere in the past week, I arrive wilted and sweaty.  (I think part of that is toting around a baby in a car seat, the diaper bag, purse, etc. etc.)

Last night, I thought I'd try for the "quilt pictures" inside.  We had a pretty good start...

 (Okay - these arm rolls are out of control cute.)

 After a couple of clicks, I thought it would be really cute to see her little naked buns in the picture, so I quickly pulled off her diaper. 

 Oh yes, much better. :)

As I'm clicking away, husband casually looks up from his spot on the couch and says, "You better be quick, she's gonna pee on that blanket."
Me:  "No she won't, her diaper was wet when I took it off...so we're good for a few minutes."
Him:  "She's gonna pee on that blanket."
Me:  "No she's not." (insert rolling eyes and exasperated sigh from irritated wife....geez, doesn't he know that I know my baby and I know exactly when she will or will not pee??)

 About 2.5 seconds later, she peed on the blanket.

 Then she got mad.

Then my camera battery died. 

Photoshoot didn't go quite as planned....but I still got a few cute pictures. :)

Blogging may be sparse the next few days -- I'm enjoying my last week with baby girl before I go back to work.  The only thing I have time for is kissing baby cheeks, snuggling, inhaling that sweet baby smell, and soaking up every smile, giggle, and coo. 

I will be back soon with pics of my classroom...for any of my teacher friends who are interested.

Have a great Wednesday!